The book is just in time for the Christmas market. Speeches have had an important place in history and great speeches are remembered long after the details of events are forgotten. The topic of speeches was very much to my mind last week as I awaited Gordon Brown’s first speech to a Labour conference as Prime Minister.

Here was the opportunity for ‘the son of the manse’ to set out his bold vision for the future. I was greatly disappointed. It was a dull rehash of the chilling socialist statism that was long abandoned by the electorate. Worse it was clichéd and many purists have written that it plagiarised speeches given by Clinton and Gore in the last decade. At a time when there has been plenty of interest and speculation about the Republic’s parties setting up in Northern Ireland, it looks as if Brown see the Labour Party as an adjunct of America’s Democratic Party.

Gordon Brown arrived in 10 Downing Street with a reputation for being an intellectual. Indeed, I was very interested in some of the speeches that he has made over the years and thought that the party conference was an ideal opportunity to show some intellectual muscle. Alas, it was no to be. Instead, Brown, terrified of his Scottish roots being a turn-off to English electors was eager to talk about ‘British’ values. He used the term 81 times in the course of his address and expected a standing ovation after each one. The drones on the conference floor were only too eager to respond accordingly. ‘British job for British workers’ and calls to deport foreign drug dealers would have gone down well and been equally at home at a gathering of the National Front.

The problem for Brown and his lefty chums is that they do not really know what British values are. Two years ago, David Blunkett, yet another second-rate Home Secretary, introduced a twenty four question exam for would-be immigrants. New Labour believed that they had found the magic formula to determine Britishness and to gain British citizenship every immigrant had to answer 18 questions correctly. It was a multiple choice exam. Here is a sample of the utterly irrelevant questions used to determine citizenship. -.

What percentage of Christians in the UK are Roman Catholic? A 10 per cent B 20 per cent C 30 per cent D 40 per cent.

When is Mother’s Day? A The Saturday four weeks before Easter B The Sunday four weeks before Easter C The Sunday one week before Easter D The Sunday three weeks before Easter.

How many members are there in the Northern Ireland Assembly? A 108 members B 125 members C 64 members D 82 members.

How might you stop young people playing tricks on you at Hallowe’en? A Call the police B Give them some money CGive them sweets or chocolate D Hide from them.

What year did women in the UK gain the right to divorce their husband? A 1810 B 1857 C 1901 D 1945.