It’s been four years since Sharon lost Jonathan, who died when he was just four days old after contracting Cytomegalovirus. And it’s taken years for her grief to subside.

But now the Donegal woman has published her own personal diary ‘Please Remember’ detailing her pregnancy, Jonathan’s short life and the story of her grief, to not only help other women coping with the loss of a child but prevent another child dying from CMV. The Quigley’s Point woman hopes to create enough book sales to make a donation to the neo-natal units which nursed Jonathan.

“It started off as a diary for me of my pregnancy,” Sharon told the ‘Journal.’

“But by the time I hit 34 weeks I knew I was getting too big and uncomfortable. I had excess fluid and doctors prepared me for an emergency caesarean. When Jonathan was born I was told to prepare myself for the worst as he had CMV. They flew him to the National Maternity Hospital in Dublin and I followed him in an ambulance.”

In the special baby ward in Dublin Sharon held tight to her baby’s hand.

“Jonathan looked perfect,” she said. “He was so special, and even so young he had his own personality. He could open his fingers and grasp mine, and if you touched his foot he would pull it away. But he couldn’t breathe on his own and the decision was made to take him off the ventilator.

“I decided to have it done in the middle of the night as this was a special time in the hospital. It was so peaceful and the foreign nurses could sing to the babies. Jonathan died at 4.30am. Afterwards the nurses brought me prints of his hands and feet, a lock of his hair, his tags and a booklet of poems.”

Sharon kept writing her diary after her son died, despite the numbness she felt.

“Initially it was to work through my emotions. I can’t even explain how painful it was during the first year.There were nights I curled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep. Other nights I’d find myself huddled in a corner trying to get away from the pain. There was an awful emptiness. I so badly wanted answers. I wanted to know why it had happened, why Jonathan had to die.

“The doctors told me I couldn’t have prevented Jonathan’s death but if I had known the virus existed I could have been more careful. I want to let other women know about it. The chances of catching CMV are greatly reduced with thorough hand washing and being conscious of the fact that the virus is easily spread from hand to mouth contact.”

It’s now four and a half years since baby Jonathan died, and only now is Sharon is beginning to feel more positive.

And she has finally decided to have the book published.

“I hope the book gives an insight into the grieving process and some of the possible thoughts and feelings you can experience,” she said. “I could never have imagined how painful a process it is.”

So far Sharon has only given copies to family and friends.

“I think it’s probably mostly sadness that they experience reading the book.