Simplistic, cliched opinions on gays
Sir, I have to write a response to the letter from Pastor Mark Bradfield entitled 'Get out of that 'gay' lifestyle' (Friday, 19th June).
I would much rather ignore such clichd opinions which are surely just designed to attract attention and cause controversy but I feel I must respond for the sake of those right-minded, thinking people who might read his rant and be disheartened by his message.
The fact that Mr Bradfield believes that homosexual relationships are "unfulfilled, lacking, impulsive, compulsive and fraught with health risks" in itself betrays how little he knows of real gay people.
In my experience the relationships between my gay friends are exactly the same as the relationships between my straight friends; they have ups and downs and they require work and commitment and love. My gay friends who are in long-term relationships have exactly the same needs in life as any one else. Speaking personally, I want love, commitment and stability, hopefully to raise a family one day and pass the values and morals and knowledge which my parents gave me to another generation. I believe that I have found that with my partner of 3 years.
The gay people that Mr Bradfield describes seem to be the worst stereotype of gay men, the extreme that is often presented on television, film or in the media. This is not my experience and in fact I really do hate those stereotypes but I realise that because of the exuberance of youth many young men and women throw themselves into the stereotypes that they know. From what I have seen they grow out of them. It's the same as the straight lad fulfilling one of the many stereotypes that exist for straight men – such as lager lout, or lothario, or sports fanatic. In the end everyone grows up and most people settle down.
I don't know where Mr Bradfield lives but I imagine that his 'idea' of what a gay man is, comes from the fact that he does not know many gay people or couples. This may be due to the general attitude towards homosexuals in his area. I am purely surmising here but I would ask him to think about whether homosexual men in his area would feel safe walking down the high street hand in hand with a pram, or even living at the same address. If not, would this be the reason why it does not seem 'normal' to him?
Attitudes such as Mr Bradfield's promote fear, discrimination and hatred and were the reason in the last few centuries why many gay people developed a lot of social and sexual habits which may seem furtive, feckless and dangerous. Indeed, I agree that I find some of the things that some gay people do as a result of being driven 'underground' to be distasteful and risky. Again, though, this is not my experience of life and things have changed so much for the younger generations, particularly those from urban, educated backgrounds in the UK and Ireland.
I was raised as a Catholic but I do not believe in God. I do however believe that the Catholic church gave me a strong sense of right and wrong and a deep respect for the rights and feelings of others. I think that Mr. Bradfield's hate-mongering goes against every religious teaching I have ever heard. I know that Mr Bradfield probably does not see his remarks as hateful, which is the root of his problem. I believe that a true marker of intelligence is the ability to see and understand opposing arguments and even to hold beliefs that may be mutually contradictory in some aspects.
I, for instance, understand that I was created through natural processes and that my existence is therefore perfectly natural. I would be much happier if I 'fancied' girls. Life would have been much easier, I wouldn't have had so much turmoil in my teens, trying to hide my true personality for fear of persecution and trying to come to terms with myself. I didn't choose to be this way no more than I could choose to have three arms and be good at the piano – but I will live my life and I will refuse to have my existence denied and my friends or family put under threat of violence by people who have never met me.
I feel lucky that I was born into a society where I will not be thrown in jail or forced into a monastery or onto a psychiatrist's couch.
I don't believe that I could suppress my sexual desires and still live a fulfilled life. Sexual arousal is natural and good and doesn't harm other people. In my opinion based on history and literature it is damaging to the soul to repress natural sexual desires.
To sum up I totally reject Mr Bradfield's argument, his citing of 'figures' with no context or reference to where they came from (shortened lifespan by 40% - please don't make me laugh!). And as for the 'gay gene' being bred out over time I fear his understanding of the field of genetics is sorely lacking – I could recommend as a starting point, fellow clergyman Gregor Mendel's famous study of gay peas!
I reject Mr Bradfield's simplistic and clichd opinions and I disagree with the way he 'chooses' to live his life, but I will not attack him because I believe that he has just as much right to exist, live his life and seek happiness and fulfilment as I do.
Such an understanding may be beyond the grasp of Mr Bradfield unfortunately!
Yours,
David O'Reilly.
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