Local writer Anita Robinson had an entertaining piece in another paper last week on buying a new mattress.
The problem was that Anita’s old foam mattress had lost its memory. It’s a pity they couldn’t have a test for mattresses that would diagnose the early stages of memory loss like they do for people. You know the sort of quiz people get. “Who is the prime minister?” is a favoured question. They used to ask, “Do you remember John Major?” until they realised that nobody remembered John Major!
Anyway, Anita’s piece was reassuring to me. Like Anita’s husband I’d recently been involuntary involved in the process of choosing a new bed. Like Mr Robinson I had to perfunctorily lie on a couple of beds with what Anita called an “inscrutable expression.” Fortunately the process didn’t last too long. After the second quick lie down I had come to a decision. “That’ll do rightly!” says I. That always goes down well. Rosemary had already announced that she wanted a bed for a guest room. So after the first bed, when I said I’d like something a little firmer the sales lady said, “Yes, we find most for our customers go for firm-ish beds for guest rooms.” Well, I just wasn’t in a mood to play that game. It’s quite hard to pick anything positive out of, “That’ll do rightly”. Anyway, I wasn’t quite as bad as a man I once heard of. You may remember about 30 years ago they advertised mattresses that, “move with you”. The sales lady was extolling the virtues of mattresses that moved with you when yer man asks, “Do you think it will it be able to keep up with me?”