25 of the funniest Derry Girls quotes and jokes

The funniest one-liners from Erin, Michelle, Orla, Clare, James and more.

By Group Reporter

Published 28th Feb 2019, 14:03 BST- 1 min read

Updated 29th Mar 2019, 10:06 BST

Series two of Derry Girls has proven to be every bit as funny as series one

Series two of Derry Girls has proven to be every bit as funny as series one

The second series of Derry Girls has picked up where the first series left off delivering frequently hilarious and often poignant comedy.

Here are some of the best quotes and one-liners from the first two series of Derry Girls. And they’re not all from the mouth of Michelle.

"If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me." - Sister Michael

"If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me." - Sister Michael

"Dont say knickers in front of your father, he cant cope!" - Ma Mary

"Dont say knickers in front of your father, he cant cope!" - Ma Mary

Ill compromise you through that window! Granda Joe to Gerry, during the now famous how-many-bags-of-chips debate

Ill compromise you through that window! Granda Joe to Gerry, during the now famous how-many-bags-of-chips debate

Macaulay Culkin isnt a Protestant, ma! Erin

Macaulay Culkin isnt a Protestant, ma! Erin

Half-load goes against everything I stand for, you know that da. Ma Mary, on her laundry

Half-load goes against everything I stand for, you know that da. Ma Mary, on her laundry

Look, I wanted to be an individual but my ma wouldnt let me. Erin

Look, I wanted to be an individual but my ma wouldnt let me. Erin

We got the gist. They ran out of spuds, everyone was raging. Michelles take on Irish history

We got the gist. They ran out of spuds, everyone was raging. Michelles take on Irish history

Im pretty sure interfering with your sunbed sessions isnt very high up on anyones political agenda. Erin

Im pretty sure interfering with your sunbed sessions isnt very high up on anyones political agenda. Erin

I dont smoke either, I just like meltin stuff. Orla

I dont smoke either, I just like meltin stuff. Orla

Sadly, I am unable to come on this one as I despise the French. Sister Michael declines the chance to join the trip to Paris

Sadly, I am unable to come on this one as I despise the French. Sister Michael declines the chance to join the trip to Paris

You cant ring Childline every time your mother threatens to kill you. Michelle

You cant ring Childline every time your mother threatens to kill you. Michelle

"This is just wrong" - Clare.
"So are those ski pants Clare, but it didn't stop ye pulling them over your hole this morning" - Michelle — "This is just wrong" - Clare. "So are those ski pants Clare, but it didn't stop ye pulling them over your hole this morning" - Michelle

"This is just wrong" - Clare.
"So are those ski pants Clare, but it didn't stop ye pulling them over your hole this morning" - Michelle — "This is just wrong" - Clare. "So are those ski pants Clare, but it didn't stop ye pulling them over your hole this morning" - Michelle

It wasnt bullying, it was attempted bullying! Erin

It wasnt bullying, it was attempted bullying! Erin

What were you doin heading up Pump Street with a cream horn, pa? Ma Mary

What were you doin heading up Pump Street with a cream horn, pa? Ma Mary

I dont really believe in lesbians. Orla

I dont really believe in lesbians. Orla

Slainte, motherf***ers! Michelle

Slainte, motherf***ers! Michelle

"Nobody actually gets expelled. Rhonda Gallagher hasn't even been expelled and she's in the IRA." - Michelle

"Nobody actually gets expelled. Rhonda Gallagher hasn't even been expelled and she's in the IRA." - Michelle

"I know how daunting resit examinations can be, so if anyone is feeling anxious or worried or even if you just want to chat, please, please, do not come crying to me." - Sister Michael

"I know how daunting resit examinations can be, so if anyone is feeling anxious or worried or even if you just want to chat, please, please, do not come crying to me." - Sister Michael

"I don't like it, OK! It's too greasy! It's much, much too greasy! Even the smell of it makes me feels physically sick!" - James on the chippy

"I don't like it, OK! It's too greasy! It's much, much too greasy! Even the smell of it makes me feels physically sick!" - James on the chippy

The slightly taller fella, he says to me, says he 'Do you know who we are? And I says to him, says I 'Well I can't be sure now, maybe if you took off the balaclavas'. - Uncle Colm

The slightly taller fella, he says to me, says he 'Do you know who we are? And I says to him, says I 'Well I can't be sure now, maybe if you took off the balaclavas'. - Uncle Colm

"Winking! At your age?! Christ, I feel sick." - Aunt Sarah

"Winking! At your age?! Christ, I feel sick." - Aunt Sarah

"Clive is a wee prod from east Belfast. Clive came back from Ibiza, got on the wrong bus at Aldergrove airport then fell asleep. Clive woke up in Derry surrounded by Russians and fenians." - Michelle

"Clive is a wee prod from east Belfast. Clive came back from Ibiza, got on the wrong bus at Aldergrove airport then fell asleep. Clive woke up in Derry surrounded by Russians and fenians." - Michelle

"Foreigners f***ing love the Giant's Causeway." - Michelle

"Foreigners f***ing love the Giant's Causeway." - Michelle

"They're rifles! I don't understand what connection golf clubs, spatulas or stilts would have to the Irish resistance!" - Da Gerry

"They're rifles! I don't understand what connection golf clubs, spatulas or stilts would have to the Irish resistance!" - Da Gerry

"Relax love, we've a good two or three hours before the rioting starts." - Granda Joe

"Relax love, we've a good two or three hours before the rioting starts." - Granda Joe