25 of the funniest Derry Girls quotes and jokes

The funniest one-liners from Erin, Michelle, Orla, Clare, James and more.

By Group Reporter
Thursday, 28th March 2019, 10:12 am
Updated Friday, 29th March 2019, 10:06 am
Series two of Derry Girls has proven to be every bit as funny as series one
Series two of Derry Girls has proven to be every bit as funny as series one

The second series of Derry Girls has picked up where the first series left off delivering frequently hilarious and often poignant comedy.

Here are some of the best quotes and one-liners from the first two series of Derry Girls. And they’re not all from the mouth of Michelle.

"If anyone is feeling anxious, worried or maybe you just want a chat, please, please do not come crying to me." - Sister Michael
"Dont say knickers in front of your father, he cant cope!" - Ma Mary
Ill compromise you through that window! Granda Joe to Gerry, during the now famous how-many-bags-of-chips debate
Macaulay Culkin isnt a Protestant, ma! Erin
Half-load goes against everything I stand for, you know that da. Ma Mary, on her laundry
Look, I wanted to be an individual but my ma wouldnt let me. Erin
We got the gist. They ran out of spuds, everyone was raging. Michelles take on Irish history
Im pretty sure interfering with your sunbed sessions isnt very high up on anyones political agenda. Erin
I dont smoke either, I just like meltin stuff. Orla
Sadly, I am unable to come on this one as I despise the French. Sister Michael declines the chance to join the trip to Paris
You cant ring Childline every time your mother threatens to kill you. Michelle
"This is just wrong" - Clare. "So are those ski pants Clare, but it didn't stop ye pulling them over your hole this morning" - Michelle
It wasnt bullying, it was attempted bullying! Erin
What were you doin heading up Pump Street with a cream horn, pa? Ma Mary
I dont really believe in lesbians. Orla
Slainte, motherf***ers! Michelle
"Nobody actually gets expelled. Rhonda Gallagher hasn't even been expelled and she's in the IRA." - Michelle
"I know how daunting resit examinations can be, so if anyone is feeling anxious or worried or even if you just want to chat, please, please, do not come crying to me." - Sister Michael
"I don't like it, OK! It's too greasy! It's much, much too greasy! Even the smell of it makes me feels physically sick!" - James on the chippy
The slightly taller fella, he says to me, says he 'Do you know who we are? And I says to him, says I 'Well I can't be sure now, maybe if you took off the balaclavas'. - Uncle Colm
"Winking! At your age?! Christ, I feel sick." - Aunt Sarah
"Clive is a wee prod from east Belfast. Clive came back from Ibiza, got on the wrong bus at Aldergrove airport then fell asleep. Clive woke up in Derry surrounded by Russians and fenians." - Michelle
"Foreigners f***ing love the Giant's Causeway." - Michelle
"They're rifles! I don't understand what connection golf clubs, spatulas or stilts would have to the Irish resistance!" - Da Gerry
"Relax love, we've a good two or three hours before the rioting starts." - Granda Joe