Bieber meets Soprano (in my head)

Press Eye - Belfast - Northern Ireland - Sunday 6th November 2011 -  Picture by Kelvin Boyes / Press Eye.'Red Carpet Arrivals at the 2011 MTV European Music Awards at the Odyssey Arena, Belfast.'Justin Bieber
Press Eye - Belfast - Northern Ireland - Sunday 6th November 2011 - Picture by Kelvin Boyes / Press Eye.'Red Carpet Arrivals at the 2011 MTV European Music Awards at the Odyssey Arena, Belfast.'Justin Bieber

It would be easy to write a column giving out about Justin Bieber fans, but I’m not about to do that. Firstly, they’re mostly kids, and kids generally don’t make good decisions when they’re kids. That’s why we have a voting age, an age limit for driving and a ban on under 18s consuming alcohol. They’re just kids, it’s not their fault that they have no taste in music. Adult Justin Bieber fans are a different matter altogether. They have major issues probably best worked out on a psychologist’s sofa somewhere and not within the limited word range of this piece.

And adults aside, a column giving out about Bieber himself is a writer’s dream, so be warned, I’m about to self indulge.

Sometimes I have a Tony Soprano moment. Generally, if I happen upon situations where people are being obnoxious or downright rude, in my head I like to think of a world where the fictional mob boss would turn up and put the fear of God into them and rather quickly make them realise the error of their ways,

I had one of those moments when I read about Justin Bieber keeping young fans waiting for two hours before he appeared on stage at London’s 02 arena this week. Many parents who’d brought their kids had to leave without seeing the pointless pop star perform. In twenty years’ time, those children will be forever grateful that they didn’t waste an hour of their lives listening to someone who’ll be struggling to sell out the Millennium Forum in 2023. By that age I like to think of the Bieber fans of today listening to Janis Joplin and desperately refuting claims that they’d ever even known who he was. I also like to think that Bieber will be hanging around second rate dressing rooms bragging to disinterested 16 year-olds that he used to be famous, once.

All that said, that’s the future and it wasn’t much help to those parents who paid hundreds of pounds for tickets and had to accompany their kids to the ghastly event where they stood for two hours while the jumped up Bieber faffed about backstage. Those parents deserved a Tony Soprano intervention. It was the very least they deserved.

Some of them had to leave before he appeared otherwise they would have missed the last train home, on a school night. One mother who spoke afterwards on BBC Radio said: “The support acts came on but they ran over until about 8.50pm, and then we sat there until 10.20pm for Justin to come on. A few of the parents went up to the information desk to complain and they were saying there’s nothing they could do and that ‘It’s just Justin Bieber’s production team. We said that was all well and good, but most of us have to get trains, it was just a shambles. I said we’ve really got to leave at 10.50pm to get the last train.”

Bieber bit back on Twitter, where he has 35 million followers - there are new kids being born everyday.

He apologised and blamed a combination of technical issues and his difficult relationship with the press. He was reaching out to his ‘beliebers’ as they’re called. Apparently, you either belieb or disbelieb. Deep, eh.

Blaming the press is a pretty typical strategy. We get blamed for most things these days, The technical thing is at least plausible. It must take a hell of a lot of technology to make that voice resemble music.

The most hilarious quote from the teen idol however was that he was “all about the music” and had great respect for his fans. Justin, if you were in any way about the music, you’d do the decent thing and get a job in Tesco, leaving said music to actual musicians.

Tony Soprano would say it much better of course. But sadly, Tony Soprano is locked in a DVD box set in a HBO fileroom somewhere and Bieber is free to roam the earth. Belieb it or not, that’s the kind of world we’re living in.