Morrissey, midwives and pointless royals

I was at that Morrissey gig in Belfast recently. There was a lot of talk after it about his controversial backdrops featuring the Queen and William and Kate et al.

He sang a bit about not eating meat as well. There were complaints the following day about his references to the royals and Maggie Thatcher, but in fairness that’s a bit like going to see the pope and giving out about there being too much praying. If you’re at a Morrissey gig, you should know what to expect.

I thought about Morrissey again last week when there was another little royal added to the family. I thought about the midwives in Derry too who had to take to the streets to fight for a one per cent pay rise, which they still haven’t been given.

Then I thought about Kate Middleton having a hairdresser and make up artist call with her in the ward to prepare her for the world’s media when she left the hospital. I also thought about the Jenny Packham dress she was wearing for the hospital steps pose, costing between £2,000 and £3,000.

What amazed me most about the coverage of the latest royal waste of money was the number of usually sane people I know who were cooing about the new princess and how well Kate looked.

Well of course Kate looked well. She had an entire team of people helping her gain that new mother glow.

I’ll be going in to have baby Barr number two in Altnagelvin Hospital next month.

So when our newest addition arrives, hopefully safe and well, I’d gladly let someone in to do my hair and makeup. Then if somebody else could nip up to House of Fraser and buy me a very expensive designer dress just to go along with it. And after leaving hospital, if my husband could be given unlimited time off - along with me. And if there was a nanny ready to help the minute I got in the door so that I could have a proper rest, I reckon I’d be looking pretty glamorous and relaxed as well.

Unfortunately that won’t happen. Because we inhabit the real world.

What’s a tad scary is that not enough of us average folks don’t quite realise the fact that the royals don’t live in the real world.

Maybe Morrissey gigs should become mandatory. Because let’s face it, princesses should long ago have been resigned to fairy tales. If that were the case, there would be a few more pounds in the pockets of the British exchequer. Maybe we could use it to give our midwives that pay increase?