23 hilarious things you'll only ever see or hear at a Derry wedding

We may not have the language of love but the people of Derry are not just world class romancers but we sure know how to put on a good wedding reception.

Tuesday, 28th May 2019, 4:44 pm
Updated Tuesday, 28th May 2019, 5:44 pm
Derry weddings are an experience like no other.

Here are 23 things you will only ever see or hear at a Derry wedding.

Ireland is a small country with a finite number of routes on which motorists can travel but still wedding guests will obsess over and often quiz one another on which way they came to a wedding reception.
It's not a true Derry wedding unless you spot someone who, five minutes previous, you would have sworn blind was dead.
The bride and groom have spent years perfecting the menu for the big day but regardless of what magical cuisine is on offer many wedding guests will demand red sauce before they munch.
A Derry wedding is NOT a Derry wedding unless you're bouncing around to this song in the wee small hours! Uggy, uggy, uggy...
It's 10:43p.m. at a Derry wedding and women of all ages can be seen rummaging around their handbags for yes, you've guessed it, a pair of flip-flops in which they will dance the night away.
The only way some Derry wedding guests could be less discreet about bringing their own alcohol to a wedding reception would be if they went behind the bar with their contraband booze and pour it there and then for all to see.
Only ever used by Derry people at Derry weddings. The type of guest who indulges in this sort of behaviour is a little more discreet than those who leave empty vodka bottles for everyone to see!
If you've been to a wedding in Derry you will almost certainly have experienced the dilemma that is eating your bread roll before the soup has been served.
There are always parents who think their child is to dancing what Brian O'Driscoll was to Irish rugby. It stopped being cute about an hour ago - enough already!
This epitomises Derry weddings - there's nothing more harrowing than watching grown men with neckties around their heads, playing air-guitar thinking they are Jimi Hendrix - but it's fun to look at too!
Nothing says Derry wedding like a grown man of considerable intellect and integrity dancing with, yes, you have guessed it again, a brush. A brush I tell you!
This phrase seems like it is hardwired into those who have already entered into matrimony. Married people at Derry weddings take great joy from teasing their single peers with anxious depictions of wedlock.
Let's face it, Derry people aren't known for rhythmic flare which makes the site of a grown adult getting up from their seat and dancing towards the dance floor, instead of walking, that bit more puzzling!
As a man I genuinely have no idea what's going on here and I daren't ask.
You could place bowls containing nothing but sea salt in front of guests at a Derry wedding and some will still, out of habit, season their soup with salt and pepper before tasting it first.
The uncle you don't know who is married to that aunt you don't like will invoke some sort of ancient spell and manage to sneak away from everyone else to enjoy a quiet drink on his own in the residents' bar.
You could put dresses on three sausage roll baps, say they are bridesmaids and the best man at a Derry wedding will still comment on how lovely they all look.
Inevitably, you will run into someone you were once very friendly with only to lose touch over the years and after a few glasses of vino you start making plans to meet up for coffee next week only, that never happens!
Be honest, how many Derry weddings have you been to when you sprinted like Usain Bolt from your table to take a photograph you will never look at of a couple you barely know cutting a cake you won't eat!
Van Morrison is a genius and the world is a better place because of his music but there's only so much of this song a human being can take.
Inevitably, there will always be guests at Derry weddings who do not drink alcohol but there will also be guests who will ask these teetotallers to take a glass of wine and give it to them.
Male guests, who have very little in common with one another often retreat to these two topics of conversation when they have exhausted everything else.
You have barely broken breath to that uncle or aunt who left Derry for the U.S. of A. but they end of the wedding reception you have made plans (you have no intention of keeping) to visit them in America next year.