Helena’s family spark Christmas Lights of Love for Foyle Hospice in Derry

This year, the Fitzgerald family will switch on the Foyle Hospice Christmas tree Lights of Love at 7pm on December 20 in memory of Helena.

Helena Fitzgerald was an A-level English teacher and Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator. She was just 44 years-old when she died at home, surrounded by her loving family.

Her husband, Anthony described Helena as an intelligent, vibrant woman, full of love and fun. She was an adored wife and a wonderful mother to their two boys, Milo, 9, and Rogan, 6.

Anthony shared his family’s story about why Foyle Hospice means so much to them and also to reassure other families across the North West facing similar situations that help is at hand.

“In early November 2019, without warning or any obvious symptoms, Helena had a seizure at home,” he said. “A scan revealed it was a glioblastoma brain tumour. Glioblastoma is one of those tumours that is so aggressive, it changes quickly. Within a matter of days, the tumour had already grown, so Helena made the difficult decision to undergo a six-hour operation on Christmas Eve and later underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy.”

Anthony said that Helena wanted to spend as much time as possible with her family. As there were no medical complications with her treatment, the Foyle Hospice Specialist Palliative Care Team were able to treat Helena in her own home.

“As Helena’s health deteriorated, it was our wish that she remain at home; with excellent medical support, thankfully this was possible,” Anthony said. “Foyle Hospice community nurses, Brigeen McCloskey and Caroline McIvor, nursed Helena at home from the beginning of her illness. With a care programme in place, we were able to remain together and enjoy quality time as a family throughout her illness.

“The nurses visited our home regularly and the atmosphere was always relaxed. They were professional and caring and Helena was content in their company.”

Anthony said it was of great personal comfort to him that he could contact Foyle Hospice 24 hours a day if he needed support, advice or assistance.

“Our house was a positive household because Helena was always a very positive woman with a lot of get-up-and-go – even to the end.”

After Helena’s diagnosis, Anthony said he knew he would have to prepare their young boys for the death of their mother. Healing Hearts at Foyle Hospice is a counselling service for children and young people aged 4-16 that prepares them for the death of a loved one and helps them work through their grief. This service is not exclusive to the children of patients treated by Foyle Hospice. It is available to any child or young person in the community who has had significant adult in their life die, regardless of how they passed away.

“Michelle Kosky, facilitator at the Foyle Hospice children’s counselling service, Healing Hearts, reached out to me. It was a hard step to take but it was the best decision for the boys, particularly Milo who was older and had more of an understanding about what was going on. “Knowing I had Michelle, a caring professional, helping my children to prepare for the shock and sadness ahead, relieved a lot of stress and was an enormous benefit to me personally. Michelle was also liaising with the nurses and this connection was vital.”

Anthony said Foyle Hospice helped his family through the most heart-breaking time of their lives and urged other families going through similar harrowing experiences to reach out for this help.

“The specialised knowledge and support we were given as a family are a credit to the Hospice,” he said.

“I would highly recommend it to other parents in similar situations but I understand some parents might not want to engage, or be able to, for a variety of reasons. They may think they are protecting their child or children, so they won’t hear the devastating news, they could be overpowered by the shock and fear of the illness or be in denial of the reality. It could be down to fully knowing that preparation is vital but it’s painful to start the process. Other parents may think they are best suited to discussing the illness with their children, without receiving any external support.”

Anthony added: “When your spouse or a close family member has a terminal illness and children are involved, you are probably not going to have all the information, answers or maybe even the coping mechanisms to deal with it all. It’s simply another level of anxiety, stress and fear in every way. My advice to any parent that finds themselves in this heartbreaking situation is, don’t delay in engaging and getting informed as soon as possible. Preparing children for a devastating loss is vital.

"It will definitely be more beneficial if they have maximum time to process everything. In hindsight, you will be in no doubt that you made the right choice.

"Time is more precious than ever; when the worst of luck engulfs a family, using that time wisely is crucial.”

Anthony said he wanted to dispel any misconceptions people may have about Foyle Hospice. He said that it was a place where his family found, and continue to find, great solace and support.

“A lot of people, when they think about the Hospice, think about people going in there to die,” he said. “But there’s so much more to Foyle Hospice. Even though Helena didn’t stay at the Hospice, she received specialist care at home and I really couldn’t speak highly enough about it.”

A spokesperson for the hospice said: “If you would like to shine a light by donating in memory of someone you love, you can visit our virtual Lights of Love Christmas tree and upload a photo and message of remembrance at foylehospice.com/get-involved/lights-of-love/

“If you have received our Lights of Love letter mailed to your home, you can write the name of your loved one on the special tag provided, alongside your own special message, and make a donation in their memory. Your tag will then be placed on the Lights of Love Christmas Tree at Foyle Hospice. Please return Christmas tree tags to Foyle Hospice, 61 Culmore Road, Derry, BT48 8JE.

“Everyone is welcome to join us at 7pm on December 20 for the interdenominational ceremony, for people of all religions and none, in the grounds of the Hospice. Tea, coffee and light refreshments will be served afterwards. Foyle Hospice thanks the community for their ongoing donations, enabling them to deliver specialist palliative care throughout the North West.”

For more details on all the services provided by Foyle Hospice, visit www.foylehospice.com or call 02871 351010.