'We were able to spend our last Christmas together': Sons of Derry woman Nina to brave Swilly for Foyle Hospice

Christmas will always be a heartbreaking time for the Boyle family: Thomas and his seven children, Karen, Thomas, Maria, Stephen, Dean, Matthew and Ryan. When Nina Boyle, 59, died on Christmas Day, 2018, surrounded by her loving family in Foyle Hospice, her husband Thomas said he lost his childhood sweetheart and the love his life, while their children had to say goodbye to their devoted mother.

However, the family said Nina died “peacefully and with dignity” being cared for by the compassionate and dedicated team at Foyle Hospice and described their last Christmas together there as “beautiful”. They said they will be forever grateful to Foyle Hospice for caring for Nina, helping the family prepare for her death and, afterwards, supporting them through their grief.

Nina had been a keen supporter of the Hospice and participated in numerous fundraising events with her daughters and sisters until she became terminally ill. The Boyle family now wish to continue fundraising in her honour, so that other families facing similar situations can receive the same specialist support.

This Christmas Day, as a fitting tribute to their mother on her anniversary and to raise much-needed funds for Foyle Hospice, Dean, 26, Matthew, 24 and Ryan, 21 will take the plunge in the icy-cold waters of Lough Swilly. The boys will join dozens of other fundraisers for the annual Christmas Day Swim at 11am on Ludden Beach, Buncrana.

Thomas, Nina’s husband, said: “We lost the most important person in our lives that Christmas; a light went out in our home and part of us went with her but, all I can tell you is that, if it hadn’t been for the Foyle Hospice, we wouldn’t have the strength to be sitting here telling our story now.”

Thomas said that he noticed, towards the end of 2017, that “something wasn’t quite right” with Nina.

“She was always quite funny and she got involved in everything; if I was taking a door off its hinges, she was in there lifting it and helping me out, but it got to the stage where she couldn’t do it,” he said.

“I would joke when I was working at something and say, ‘Where’s my apprentice today?’ and she would say, ‘Sorry, Thomas, I can’t do it.’”

Thomas scaled back work commitments to spend more time at home and began noticing further changes in Nina. “Nina stopped speaking to me, I wondered what was wrong - it was all picture, no sound and I thought, ‘What did I do?’

“She was acting normally otherwise, doing the things she usually did, but about a week into this she still wasn’t talking. Then one day she called me upstairs and she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong but when she tried to tell me, her speech came out very slurred. I actually got annoyed and said, ‘If you had a stroke, you should have told me, it’s been a week’.”

Care and compassion

Thomas immediately called 999 and Nina was brought to Altnagelvin Hospital. A doctor determined there was a neurological problem that would need specialist treatment in Belfast.

“When she went to Belfast, they found out what was wrong with her and that’s when we were told she had Motor Neuron Disease,” said Thomas.

“When they were doing tests on her, they asked her if she had any idea what was wrong with her and she nodded her head. They asked her what she thought it was and she said Motor Neuron Disease (MND)… then they told her she was right. She started to cry and the doctor went out to bring the nurse in. I followed the doctor out and said, ‘It’s not the worst though, Stephen Hawking had it for years’ - but he just looked at me and said: ‘Sorry, she will be lucky if she has six months.’ If I had have fallen through a window, I wouldn’t have felt the pain, I was in total shock. She lived nine months after that.”

Nina’s son, Dean said, coincidentally, before his mother’s diagnosis they had watched The Theory of Everything together, a film about the life of the late scientist and genius, Stephen Hawking. He lived with MND for 55 years, the longest survival ever recorded for the disease, but the life-expectancy is usually between one to five years. Dean remembers his mother remarking: ‘How heartbreaking would that be?’ Dean said: “Little did we know what we would find out just a couple of months later.”

As Nina’s illness progressed, the family accepted that she needed specialist care that could no longer be provided at home.

Thomas said: “Nina wanted to die at home with dignity, with her family around her but she took really sick and went into the Hospice.

“Nina had the best care and the best experience in the Foyle Hospice, they did everything they could do for her.”

Dean agreed with his father and said preconceived ideas he had about hospice care completely changed: “I did have this misconception when I heard my Mum was going in there; I just thought, ‘This is the end of the road’ – but once you’re actually in there, it’s such an easy transition.

“You’re expecting doom and gloom but everyone from the nurses to the receptionist has a smile and are so welcoming. I found everyone did more than required, they went above and beyond for us. Something as simple as just having a conversation and asking how we were, meant so much.

“No matter who has had an experience with the Foyle Hospice, they all have something positive to say about it. The personal touch that you get is like nothing else.”

Dean continued: “My Mum was a lady of class and dignity and I was so impressed with the Hospice because they allowed her to maintain that. You’re not treated as a patient, you’re a person and there is a personal connection – they made her feel at home.”

Almost a month to the day before Nina died, she and Thomas celebrated 41 years of marriage. The family said that the Hospice staff helped make that day a memory to treasure.

Dean said: “My Mammy and Daddy’s anniversary is on the 24th November, it was just a month before she died, but we were able to have a celebration as a family at the Hospice where they organised a projector that showed flashbacks throughout their life and we could play music. It was amazing for us to look back through their lives and all those memories.”

Dean said he was so deeply touched by the level of care and compassion shown in the Hospice, he felt he had to do something to show the family’s gratitude.

“The Hospice made such an instant impact on me,” he said.

“It was summertime when my Mum first went in then it came to September, when Foyle Hospice hold the Male Walk/Run, and because it had such a profound effect on me and I really appreciated so much what they were doing for my Mammy, I went and did it.

“I had just found out about it a few days before, I had never been aware of it because I had never had to think about it until then, which is sad, but sometimes you just have to get your eyes opened. We couldn’t really do anything for a while because of covid but we did the most recent Male Walk/Run and then I found out about the Christmas Day Swim.

“I just thought that there was no more fitting tribute to the Hospice and my Mammy than for us to go down on Christmas Day, the day she died, to brave five minutes of pain but raise funds in the process.”

“We were able to spend out last Christmas together – it was beautiful.”

Shortly before Nina died, the family said they were able to watch the Christmas tree lights being lit up for the annual Lights of Love ceremony. Every year, people gather together at Foyle Hospice to remember and honour loved ones who have died and personal messages of love and remembrance are placed on the Christmas tree.

Dean said: “My Mammy was there when the Christmas tree lights were switched on, we watched together as a family and heard the carol singers. This year, we will be dedicating a light to her.”

He said that although the family were heartbroken to lose a much-loved wife and mother, they got the opportunity during Nina’s time at Foyle Hospice to make poignant memories they will always hold dear.

“My Mum died on Christmas Day but we spent six months with her at the Hospice; three months going to Day Care then three months as a resident patient,” he said.

“Obviously it’s difficult, especially at this time of year, but I remember when she was in the Hospice, there was a carol service singing, there were decorations up and, on Christmas Day itself, the staff gave us the option to have Christmas dinner in the room with our Mum - what a gesture.

“We were able to spend our last Christmas together. The Hospice went above and beyond. It was beautiful. The fact that we could sit and have our dinner and open our presents with her there, we didn’t want to go home…it was like we were already home because we were with our Mum.”

The Boyle family said the care shown and the emotional support they were given by Foyle Hospice staff leading up to Nina’s death and afterwards was a huge help in dealing with their loss.

Thomas said he was devastated by his wife’s diagnosis, illness and death, but that with the help he received, he was able to process his grief.

“We had counsellors helping us before she died and after she died,” he said.

“They were outstanding. The care we got was second to none.”

Son, Dean, agreed: “There was an infrastructure there for us all, there was post-care for us. It wasn’t just a case of ‘Now your Mum’s gone, that’s it’ – if you needed that extra help, it was there for you. Afterwards the support was amazing. Each and every one of us were offered counselling if we wanted it.”

Thomas said his daughter, Karen, was training to be to become a nurse when her mother was in the Hospice and, watching the care being given, it galvanised her commitment to nursing.

“Karen was training to be a nurse when Nina was sick and wanted to be a nurse more than ever when she could see the care her Mammy was getting,” he said.

Matthew, who will brave the Christmas Day swim with his brothers, Dean and Ryan, agreed with his father: “One of the nurses at the Hospice wasn’t going to be on shift until after Christmas but she knew that my Mammy was near passing, so she came in on her day off just to see her before she died; that just shows you how much they care. I think it was because of the Hospice’s care for my Mammy that Karen thought; ‘I want to do that’ – it just inspired her. Everyone who has had an experience with the Hospice is touched by it in some way.”

The Boyle family hope to dispel negative attitudes and fears about hospice care; they hope, by sharing their moving story, that more people will see Foyle Hospice as a welcoming place where people with life-limiting illnesses, and their families, are treated with kindness, compassion and dignity.

In memory of their mother, Dean, Matthew and Ryan, also hope you will help them continue to fund the range of services and specialist palliative care provided at Foyle Hospice which, as a community-run charity, relies on the generous donations of the public for over 65% of its funding.

Dean said: “Our experience with Foyle Hospice has made things easier; it has helped us to handle it, knowing she was so safe and well looked after.

“We’re all so grateful to be given a chance to honour my Mum and to contribute to a very worthy cause.”

You can support the boys’ Christmas Day Swim at in memory of their Mum, Nina, at www.justgiving.com/fundraising/dean-boyle3

Alternatively, you can make cash donations to the Boyle boys’ fundraiser by calling to Foyle Hospice Fundraising Centre at 61 Culmore Road, Derry.

If you would like to take part in the Christmas Day Swim or would like further information on fundraising for Foyle Hospice, please visit the website at https://foylehospice.com/fundraise-for-your-local-hospice/ or call 02871 359888 for further information.

You can also donate to Foyle Hospice in memory of loved ones by returning the Lights of Love tag recently mailed to donors’ households. Write your special message on the tag to be placed on the Foyle Hospice Christmas tree and send it to 61 Culmore Road, Derry. You can also make a light twinkle on the virtual Christmas tree and upload a personal message and photograph of your loved ones at https://foylehospice.com/get-involved/lights-of-love/