Ruaidhri Higgins suffered 'burnout' in the Derry City dugout and reveals 'massive regret'

The 40 year-old decided to blow the final whistle on his managerial tenure on Foyleside after a 'rollercoaster' three-and-a-half years in the wake of the Brandywell club's shock FAI Cup final loss to Drogheda earlier this month.

Every football manager has a shelf life but while Higgins grew the club to become perennial title challengers and guided them to two FAI Cup finals during his time in charge, he admits it was the best decision for all parties involved to terminate his contract with a year yet to run and the burning ambition to bring home a league title for the first time since 1997 yet to be realised.

'It takes a lot of energy to manage Derry City," claimed Higgins in a candid interview on the Journal's 'Talking Derry City' podcast where he spoke openly about his regrets at not taking time away from the heavy workload when his brother Kevin tragically and suddenly passed away in Sweden in February 2023.

He didn't properly grieve the passing of the man who would be his first point of contact when he ran into problems either in football or in his personal life.

"When I look back and analyse, I should've taken some time out of the game because I never had a break, I was literally full throttle. There were a couple of times I suffered a bit of burnout," he admitted.

"Other people might use different phrases but there was a period of a few months after he passed away where I really, really struggled."

Learning to cope with such an unimaginable loss and having your brother taken away 'without saying goodbye' would be one of life's biggest challenges but having to play it all out in the public eye proved emotionally draining for Higgins.

Perhaps the football was a welcome distraction at the time but his biggest regret was choosing to miss out on the first night of his brother's wake at their family home in Limavady so he could stand in the dugout in Tallaght and lead Derry City to a rare victory over Shamrock Rovers.

It's a 'mental' decision he finds difficult to live with but knows his big brother wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

"Hindsight is a wonderful thing," he lamented. "Realistically, looking back, what I did was a bit mental.

"We had a funeral service over there before we brought him home. The day after the funeral service I flew back straight afterwards, stayed in Dublin airport and went to Tallaght the next day and we beat Rovers.

"I missed the first night of his wake for that Rovers game and that's a massive regret of mine. "I'll never forget it. About 6pm we left the hotel to go to Tallaght and my phone rang and it was Lisa [his wife]. We were five minutes away from Tallaght Stadium and she said, 'they've just brought him into the house in the coffin and it just triggered me, 'What the f**k am I doing here?'. "We were so, so, so close - all of us. I know I was there and over and back to Sweden and did my bit but I was still raging with myself that I wasn't there for the first night of his wake in our family home.

"He will know why I did it. He was my number one fan. He worked on the psychology side of things - a psychotherapist - and any issues I would have had on or off the pitch or personal life, professional life, anything, before anyone he would've been my first phone call. "My best friend Ruairi McClean, another one obviously and Lisa. Those three would be the three that I would really talk to about real deep things. "Obviously Mickey and Paddy [his brothers] as well but because Kevin was the big brother and would always say the right things and made you feel better after every phone call. So to lose that out of our life and obviously seeing our mother and father suffer on top of it, stop going to the matches - all those sorts of things it really hurts.

"It's been extremely tough but we keep going. The hardest bit was the sudden nature of it. There was no warning shot, nothing. No lead up to it, just gone! "Unless you've experienced a sudden death it's hard to articulate. You never get to say goodbye and all that stuff.

"It's been a major challenge. I miss him like hell. We all miss him like hell. I've had 49 unbelievable years with him, he's such a character and we keep going.

"I talk to him all the time and go places he liked going so you get a wee bit of comfort from things like that.

"It's made me a stronger person and made me really hungry to succeed because he was my number one backer.

"I'm only 40 years of age and there's so much in front of me and I'm looking forward to it," he added, determined to lift the mood of the interview with a significant weight so obviously lifted from his shoulders.

Higgins' decision to walk away wasn't a knee-jerk reaction but one he contemplated for some time.

His energy levels certainly began to flag after the death of his brother and his team's bid to win an historic league and cup double also frustratingly faded - closing the 2024 season with a whimper and with nothing to show for a campaign which promised so much.

The growing disenchantment of the supporters and constant stream of online abuse began to take a heavy personal toll and no doubt his decision to walk was a well thought-out move to safeguard both his physical and mental health as well as to protect his family who were vocal in his defence.

Keeping a lid on the pressure is easier said than done and amid growing tension which would wear down most managers, Higgins is confident stepping back from the demanding life of Derry City boss was the right decision.

He's obsessed with football and loves Derry City - a club he devoted 12 years of his life to as a player and manager - and he claims it was fulfilling and a massive honour.

For those online trolls, however, he reserved a special parting message. "What I would say about the online stuff is that people's voices get heard that are irrelevant. The negative ones make the most noise and then it's funny because people then start believing them.

"I'm sure that there's a lot of those people who have children now starting to use social media. What sort of a role model are you? That's the way I would look at it. If they're looking at their mother or father constantly abusing people and basically being a troll then what example are you setting.

"The way I view life is that I'm now here to set the best example possible as a parent to my children. That's my purpose in life. I'm far from perfect by the way. But what sort of society are we building if that's the way we're going to be.

"I'm used to it. I had it as a player and I had it every year for a period, this year was maybe a bit more sustained but I've always come out of it and I'll come out of it again because I know what I'm capable of and I love football and it's my life.

"I don't have a Facebook account and neither does Lisa - we're very private people. Live a quiet life. People are well within their rights to have their opinion but just have your opinion with a wee bit of class. Be respectful of people. The world at the minute is a very toxic place but all my attention now is on the people I love and care about. I spent a lot of time over the last week with those types of people, hence the reason I have a smile on my face." Football management is a precarious profession for anyone but particularly for those first dipping their toe in the water. It was Higgins' first gig but he believes he's emerged from a frustrating and difficult year as a much more rounded manager and human being. Living out your dream job in football, you've got to expect to roll with the punches as much as you relish the highs. It's a difficult trade-off at times but it hasn't put Higgins off. Almost four years down the line, Higgins is mentally spent particularly after an agonising season but after a long overdue break and a lads trip to Lisbon this week, the ex-midfielder finds himself waiting for another opportunity to jump back on board the managerial merry-go-round, knowing exactly what he will be letting himself in for before he walks through the door. "To be honest I've enjoyed the last few days. Looking forward to spending a wee bit of time with the wains coming up to Christmas. It's a special time not having to worry about preseason fixtures and preseason training. I know that I'll be back in the game soon enough but doing what and where I'm not too sure yet. "I was actually laying in bed the other night and I was gong through the years, 2021, '22, '23, '24 and writing down in my notes in my phone the biggest mistakes I made and that's what it's all about. It's about developing and learning. "I know I'll get better. It's a learning curve and to be honest it's a learning curve for everybody. For the players, the staff, for me and for supporters. Winning leagues aren't easy and it's important everyone learns from it. "I've had some amazing messages of support from people I didn't expect to hear from. I'm settled [with his decision]. It's right for everyone. I genuinely wish the club nothing but success and in particular Philip [O'Doherty] for what he's put into the club and will continue to put in.

"I hope they get all those really important things sorted out because at that point Derry City will become the biggest and best club in Ireland."

LISTEN: Full interview on Talking Derry City podcast