Building confidence and self-esteem in recovery - Reconnected Recovery with Gary Rutherford
So, you have got yourself sober. That is a brilliant achievement. Whether you went through detox, rehab, therapy or went it alone, you put the work in. You got yourself there. So you should be feeling great, right?
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for people in recovery to struggle with low self-esteem, and it can rob them of the joy that sobriety brings. Instead of joy, familiar feelings of unhappiness, unworthiness and dissatisfaction rear their heads and make staying sober in the long run a challenge. That is why building confidence and self-esteem is an essential part of staying sober.
Self-esteem is simply how we see our worth as a person, including our confidence and our satisfaction with life. People with low self-esteem think and act in ways that reflect not feeling good or worthy. "I'm unlovable." "I'm no good." "I'm broken." Sound familiar? I used that last one a lot.
Low self-esteem and addiction often go hand in hand. People with low self-esteem can be at higher risk of turning to drugs and alcohol to feel better about themselves, but only temporarily. That word matters, because it leads to a vicious cycle: the more we use, the lower our self-esteem falls. Shame and guilt rise, and behaviours like lying, a big one for secret users, make it hard to like ourselves. When I finally got sober, I realised how heavily the damage from my addiction weighed on my already low self-esteem.
The good news is that self-esteem is not permanent. It can be built up. If you struggle with low self-esteem and confidence, you are not alone. But if low self-esteem played a part in your using, it can also trigger relapse, so working on your self-worth matters for long-term sobriety.
Here are some ways to start rebuilding.
Fill your life with positive, supportive people. Self-esteem comes from within, but we still need others. Reach out to people who encourage and inspire you. When someone pays you a compliment, accept it and thank them rather than shying away.
Use positive affirmations. We become what we tell ourselves we are. The more you say, "I am a good person who deserves respect and happiness," the truer it will ring. Write one or two affirmations down, stick them on your mirror and read them aloud every day.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Please, stop. You are unique. If you catch yourself comparing, mentally say "stop" and cut the thought off.
Recognise and challenge negative thoughts. Changing these patterns is essential for staying sober.
Get to know yourself. Keep working out what makes you unique without drugs and alcohol. That means acknowledging your strengths and accepting your imperfections.
Focus on success. It is so easy to dwell on failures and beat ourselves up over little things. Instead, notice each small success. Every day sober is a success, so acknowledge it.
Take responsibility. Only you can create change in your life. Make a conscious decision to become a more confident, self-loving person.
Finally, remember that change takes time. There is no magic wand. But the work you put into your confidence and self-esteem will make staying sober easier and add to your happiness and wellbeing.
Think it. Do it. Feel it.