Memoirs of a Mad Mammy - navigating motherhood and maternal mental health

Honest, open and full of the humour that is in her ‘make up,’ the mental health nurse’s writings are now being turned into a book, Memoirs of A Mad Mammy, which she hopes will help other women navigate the highs and lows of motherhood.

Joanne’s path to being a mammy has not been an easy one. She has experienced a miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and the heartbreaking loss of her little boy, Jacob 10 years ago.

She has also found joy in the birth of her little girl Hannah, her stepson Dylon and his little boy, Ezra,

She told the Journal that, by speaking openly about loss and subjects that can sometimes be seen as taboo, she hopes to help other women - and men - who are also trying to find their way through loss and parenthood.

The book also deals with many funny situations and is very much rooted in family, which to Joanne, who is married to Lawrence, is ‘everything’ - the granny who told stories with memorial cards, and her daddy who would waken them at the weekends with the hoover are just two of the tales she tells.

Other musings in the book include the ‘joy’ of World Book Day, an ode to the strong women in our lives, the letter that makes you itch, her first spinning class and her memories of childhood.

Speaking to the ‘Journal,’ Joanne told how she had ‘always loved writing’, and when Hannah was around three years old, she decided to write down all she was doing.

“I was in that content wee bubble. She was growing so fast and I thought that I should really write everything down to remember them. I started writing them on Facebook and got a good response. My friend’s sister is The Red Duchess, who writes a really popular blog. She showed me what I needed to do and that’s how ‘Mad Mammies’ blog began. It was never a chore to write. I always enjoyed it. I thought of it as a nice way of keeping a diary, but other people enjoyed reading it too.”

Writing the book

Friends told her she should write a book, but Joanne wasn’t sure. Then, she had an unfortunate fall, breaking her shoulder and was signed off work. It was during that time, ‘typing with my one hand’ that the book began to form.

“I’m shocking on the computer and hadn’t a clue about publishing. I reached out to Felicity McCall and Claire Allan and they gave me advice. I started feeling about and doing cover letters and did get a response. But I started getting a bit scared and put it on the back burner.”

But her response to an interview that didn’t go well led Joanne to evaluate her own health and she saw how maternal health and mental health were not spoken about enough. “In February last year, I had an interview in work and on the run up, my anxiety was shocking. On the day of the interview, the topics that I thought were going to come up were changed and it really threw me.”

Joanne found that her anxiety wasn’t going away and much of it was linked back to pregnancy and her losses. “I knew what my mind was telling me wasn’t right and it wasn’t the truth. I did my exercises and rationally thought about it, but it was still there. The interviews came up again and I thought: ‘I’ll go back and smash the interview and I’ll be fine’.

“I decided to go and see the doctor beforehand, just to see if I could get something that might help me. I was crying and told the doctor about the interview.

She turned to me and said: ‘Joanne, I don’t think it’s anything to do with your interview. You’ve had every miscarriage you could have, you lost your wee baby, you had an ectopic pregnancy and nearly died, and I think this interview has triggered all these feelings. I think this one thing has snowballed and you’re thinking it was the interview , but it’s not.’

Maternal mental health

“I always had those feelings, but pushed them away. I thought they were normal, Because of the work I do, I thought that I should have seen it in myself, but I didn’t. Going for the interview made me have a meltdown as I was always fighting my demons, telling myself I wasn’t good enough because of what had happened. It also made me look at maternal mental health and how there isn’t enough support there.’

“When I had Jacob I was put in with people waiting for babies while I was trying not to go into labour. I was hearing babies being born and seeing people pregnant. It was tough. I know things have changed now, in a way, but we still need more support.’

When Joanne was pregnant with Hannah, she experienced a haematoma in her womb and that caused immense worry.

Joanne later went back to her blog, and following advice from Derry author Jude Morrow, decided to self publish.

The cover of her Memoirs of a Mad Mammy book was created by Spiffing Covers, who also edited it and Joanne said it has much meaning.

The rainbow on the cover depicts Hannah, who is a ‘Rainbow’ baby - a baby after the ‘storm’ or rain of a loss. The balloons represent the balloons the family release every year to remember Jacob, and the superhero cape represents the shield of humour that Joanne has always used to get her through the ups and downs of life.

“Humour really helps me and that’s probably what has kept me going for so long. It’s in my genetic make up. It’s a big thing in my family.”

She hopes that other parents find comfort and support in the book and told how those who have read it have said it has made them both laugh and cry.

“People have told me that it has really helped them and made them feel ‘normal,’ especially in the areas that are considered taboo. It’s also made people start talking about these things. When I was going through everything, I would have loved to have read something or met someone who could say: ‘Yes, this is awful, but you’ll get through it. There is hope and light there.’”

The book, titled Memoirs of a Mad Mammy, will be launched in the coming weeks and is dedicated to Jacob, who the family remembers every day. Joanne said she hopes that it can show the happy and sad times of motherhood, all enriched with a dash of humour, as well as evoking memories for Hannah, Dylon and Ezra in the future.

“I also want it to highlight maternal health and help someone who is maybe going through the tough part of Mammyville at the moment!”

The book will be officially launched in Derry soon and is now available to purchase at www.amazon.co.uk.

To purchase go to www.amazon.co.uk/Memoirs-Mad-Mammy-Joanne-Henry/dp/1916384900/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=memoirs+of+a+mad+mammy&qid=1584948813&sr=8-1