'The moment I set foot in HURT, I knew my life was about to change': Derry man Connor shares his journey

Connor Doherty from Creggan.placeholder image
Connor Doherty from Creggan.
Growing up in the Creggan area of Derry as one of six, Connor Doherty enjoyed the benefits of a long leash that often comes with being the youngest sibling.

But the freedom that was afforded to him came at a price. Bored with the minutiae of everyday life in an estate and keen to emulate his peers, the young Connor began to drink at an early age.

Looking back, the IT project manager, who has lived in Florida for the past 17 years, says the signs of an addictive personality were already there. Long before he had even supped his first beer, Connor had experienced the buzz of gambling.

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He recalls betting on the horses with matches instead of cash, as he and his dad watched the Channel 4 racing on TV on Saturday afternoons. Buit it wasn’t long before Connor had progressed to slot machines and the football pools, and money replaced the matches.

Connor Doherty.placeholder image
Connor Doherty.

By his late teens, Connor was struggling with a dual addiction. While studying at the Ulster University in Coleraine, where he was also captain of the football team, he was the victim of a vicious assault. This led to him dropping out of his course and moving back home to Derry to live with his parents. Connor secured a full-time job with a decent wage coming in, so had plenty of money at his disposal. As his gambling and drinking worsened, Connor decided his best option was to escape Derry and head to the States. But he couldn’t escape his demons.

In Florida, he fell into the grip of cocaine, drank steadily every day for four years and was hospitalised on several occasions. At his worst, he was having regular seizures, before being diagnosed with stage 2 cirrhosis of the liver.

His future looked bleak, but his family never gave up hope. With their love and support, Connor returned home in the autumn of 2016. He was signposted to the Derry-based charity HURT (Have Your Tomorrows) which is funded by the National Lottery Community Fund - and thanks to their services and Alcoholics Anonymous, Connor stopped drinking and taking drugs. He’s been sober since November 9, 2016.

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“Alcohol and gambling were my two addictions, and I believed that if I got out of Derry, I’d be ok,” says the 41-year-old. “People used to say to me that I was a geographical addict, and I thought that if I changed area, my situation would change too.

2018: Derry Girl Saoirse Monica Jackson (Erin) visits National Lottery funded HURT (Have Your Tomorrows) family support group and suicide prevention charity back in 2018. Included were Sadie O'Reilly, founder, and Dessie Kyle, manager.placeholder image
2018: Derry Girl Saoirse Monica Jackson (Erin) visits National Lottery funded HURT (Have Your Tomorrows) family support group and suicide prevention charity back in 2018. Included were Sadie O'Reilly, founder, and Dessie Kyle, manager.

“There was no gambling in Florida for a start and my two older brothers Damien and Michael were already living in America, so I figured going out there would be a good move for me.”

But Florida proved to be a ‘perfect storm’. Gambling may have been non-existent, but cocaine use was prevalent. Initially, Connor travelled on a student visa, celebrating his 21st birthday there and trying cocaine for the first time.

While in Florida, he also met a woman who was to later become his wife. After his three months were up, Connor headed home but the lure of the sunshine and the party lifestyle proved too tantalising and at the age of 25, he went back out, reconnected with his former girlfriend and got married to her a year later.

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Connor faced daily temptations - and succumbed. The stimulant drug made Connor feel ‘invincible’ and gave him feelings of euphoria and confidence. But more importantly, his drug use facilitated his drinking.

His partying played a significant role in the breakdown of his marriage and in the four-year period following his divorce, Connor drank every day. The cocaine, he says, was a by-product of his drinking. He rationalised to himself that if he gave up the booze, he’d feel no desire to chase a drug high.

But he didn’t stop drinking. Instead, it got worse. Connor had become a master of manipulation and an expert in masking his drinking, downing a litre and half of vodka a day.

“The only way people ever knew I was sober was because I’d start shaking and sweating and have to run off to throw up,” he recalls. “I got really sick. My liver was hurting; I could physically feel it. The only way I could make the pain go away was to drink more alcohol.”

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Connor went through detox, withdrawals and numerous hospital stays. On his final stay, a doctor warned him that he was staring death in the face if things didn’t change. But it was a visit from his sister Joanne which really hit home and made him realise the hurt he was causing his family. Seeing her sitting on his bed, tearfully caressing his hand, Connor knew it was time to come home and get help.

Back in Derry, he was put in touch with HURT (Have Your Tomorrows), a charity set up by local woman Sadie Kyle (formerly O’Reilly), following the death of her son Tony in 1999 from a heroin overdose. The 22-year-old was the first known person in his home city to die from the deadly drug and his heartbroken mum was determined to help others affected by drink and drugs.

Set up in 2001, HURT received a major National Lottery grant in 2003 which was transformative for the organisation as they were then able to recruit management, project and administrative staff, providing more services that were greatly needed.

At HURT, Connor met with a councillor who lent a ‘Listening Ear’ as he unburdened his shame, guilt and pain. Connor says he felt really heard and more importantly, understood. For the first time in years, he began to see a way through the woods.

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“I knew my family loved me, but they never understood just how far down I was. I’d hit rock bottom and was exhausted, so I just laid everything out that first day,” he says.

Connor received weekly auricular acupuncture sessions. Not only did these provide a sense of routine, but helped evoke a feeling of relaxation. Combined with his counselling and AA mentoring, HURT provided a blueprint for his recovery, something Connor says he couldn’t have done on his own.

“They had a plan for me that I couldn't have envisaged myself,” he says. “I had no idea how to maintain sobriety, but they were there by my side.”

Connor got sober and hasn’t touched drink or drugs since. Even when he went back to Florida – a huge test – he wasn’t tempted to relapse.

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Challenges and tragedies arose. He lost his brother Michael nearly two years ago and within a few weeks of his death, lost a young lad he’d been mentoring through the friendship scheme, Big Brothers, Big Sisters. But Connor, who has since remarried, had hit rock bottom in his previous life and knew there was no going back.

“You know, my life is great now, and I look at everything that happened to me as a gift,” he says.

“I wouldn’t change one bit of my journey because it brought me to HURT and to the place I’m in now.”

Over the years, HURT has received over £2.5 million from the National Lottery Community Fund for various projects supporting people impacted by addiction across the North West, and has undoubtedly saved many lives. What started out as a support group based in one tiny room has snowballed into a vital charity with a staff of 20, working from new premises in Bayview Terrace in Derry.

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The charity offers a holistic approach to addiction recovery and family support, including complementary therapies, counselling, addiction prevention programmes and youth personal development courses. It delivers preventative educational programmes within local schools and youth clubs and is also an accredited education training centre.

This year marks 30 years since the first National Lottery draw in 1994, and thanks to those who play the games and raise £30 million for good causes each week, £786 million has been awarded to projects like this across Northern Ireland over this time.

Connor is one of the many people whose lives have been dramatically improved by projects funded by The National Lottery.

“The moment I set foot in HURT, I knew my life was about to change,” he says.

“I feel nothing but love and gratitude for HURT. Along with the AA and my family, they saved my life.”

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